MANILA: Philippine mother-of-three Stella Sibonga is desperate to end a marriage she never wanted. But divorce in the Catholic-majority country is illegal, and a court annulment takes years.
The Philippines is the only place outside the Vatican where divorce is outlawed, with the Catholic Church 鈥� which holds great influence on Philippine society 鈥� opposing the practice as against its teachings.
Those in favor of legalizing divorce say the ban makes it difficult to escape violent or otherwise abusive spouses, or even for couples to amicably cut ties.
People wanting to end their marriage can ask a court for an annulment or a declaration that the nuptials were invalid from the start, but the government can appeal against those decisions.
The legal process is slow and expensive 鈥� cases can cost as much as $10,000 or more in a country plagued by poverty 鈥� with no guarantee of success, and some people seeking a faster result fall for online scams.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 understand why it has to be this difficult,鈥� said Sibonga, who has spent 11 years trying to get out of a marriage that her parents forced her into after she became pregnant.
Sibonga鈥檚 legal battle began in 2012, when she applied to a court to cancel her marriage on the basis of her husband鈥檚 alleged 鈥減sychological incapacity,鈥� one of the grounds for terminating a matrimony.
After five years and $3,500 in legal fees, a judge finally agreed. The former domestic worker鈥檚 relief was, however, short-lived.
The Office of the Solicitor General, which as the government鈥檚 legal representative is tasked with protecting the institution of marriage, successfully appealed the decision in 2019.
Sibonga said she requested the Court of Appeals to reverse its ruling, but is still waiting for an answer.
鈥淲hy are we, the ones who experienced suffering, abandonment and abuse, being punished by the law?鈥� said Sibonga, 45, who lives near Manila.
鈥淎ll we want is to be free.鈥�
The most powerful opponent to divorce in the Philippines is the Catholic Church, which is also against abortion and contraceptives.
Around 78 percent of the country鈥檚 110 million people are Catholic, according to official census data, and many politicians are wary of contradicting the Church on sensitive social issues.
But Congress has scored significant wins in recent years.
A controversial birth control law was passed in 2012, despite strong opposition from the Church.
And in 2018, majority and opposition parties in the House of Representatives approved a divorce bill that later stalled in the Senate. It was the first time such a proposal had got that far.
Surveys conducted by polling company Social Weather Stations show a shift in Philippine attitudes toward divorce.
In 2005, 43 percent of Filipinos supported legalizing divorce 鈥渇or irreconcilably separated couples,鈥� while 45 percent disagreed.
The same survey in 2017 showed 53 percent in favor, while only 32 percent disagreed.
A group of lawmakers is now leading a fresh push to legalize divorce, with several bills filed in the House and the Senate.
鈥淲e are not destroying any marriage,鈥� said Edcel Lagman, a congressman and author of one of the bills.
Lagman said divorce was for 鈥渄ysfunctional marriages beyond repair鈥� and legalizing it would enable women and their children to escape 鈥渋ntolerant and abusive husbands.鈥�
Before he was elected, President Ferdinand Marcos said the country should consider allowing divorce, but insisted it should not be easy.
The burdensome process for getting a court order to end a marriage has spawned online scams offering to secure a quick ruling without time-consuming court appearances.
AFP fact checkers found numerous Facebook posts spreading false information about the legal process for annulment in order to attract clients, underscoring a growing global trend of fraudsters profiting off disinformation.
One victim said she was charged the equivalent of $2,400 for an annulment service that turned out to be fake.
She is now considering converting to Islam in the hope of securing a divorce under Muslim law.
鈥淚鈥檓 really trying every possible option just to be single again,鈥� she said on the condition of anonymity.
鈥淎nnulment takes so long, it鈥檚 so expensive and it鈥檚 not guaranteed, so I鈥檓 seeking a more convenient way.鈥�
Family law specialist Katrina Legarda said the number of people falling for bogus services showed there was a 鈥渄ire need鈥� for new legislation.
But Father Jerome Secillano, of the Catholic Bishops鈥� Conference of the Philippines, said the nation should be 鈥減roud鈥� to be the only country outside the Vatican 鈥渉olding on to the traditional concept of marriage.鈥�
鈥淭here will always be imperfections in a relationship,鈥� he said.
Secillano said divorcing an abusive partner would 鈥減erpetuate the violence鈥� because the perpetrator would go on to abuse their next partner.
鈥淵ou are not actually curing the disease itself,鈥� he said.
Sibonga was raised a Catholic, but stopped attending church to avoid accusations of adultery.
She has a long-term boyfriend, but cannot tie the knot with him until her first marriage is legally terminated.
That her case has dragged on for so long is not unusual in the Philippines, where a creaky justice system can take years to resolve even minor issues.
鈥淧eople think that because I am still technically married, I鈥檓 a sinner,鈥� she said.
鈥淭hey really believe that what God has united cannot be separated. Really? Even if your husband is trying to kill you, even after everything he鈥檚 done, divorce is still not allowed?鈥�
Sibonga said her relationship with her husband had been traumatic and had pushed her to attempt suicide twice.
She does not want her children to marry until divorce is allowed.
鈥淚 told them they can cohabitate and have as many children as they want, but I won鈥檛 ever consent to them getting married,鈥� she said.
鈥淚 just don鈥檛 want them to end up like me.鈥�